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i must have been unhappy… cos i dun really feel myself anymore… you can call that numb… i kept getting colleagues asking me… why do i even accept the transfer and that i have a choice to say no… do i? i do not even bother to argue or fight for it… amazingly… i have given up on trying… or even have the energy to say something and stand up for myself… i am tired… the last thing on mind… is to be able to get over this month… and hang around for another… perhaps… i am not looking forward to anything anymore…

today… i move the boxes… boxes of bears… from rp to ntu… load into their cars… i just do… like a robot… but i am feeling happy… cos this could potentially be my last career fair… that… i am helping out for one last time… before i move on to other things… in another department… part of me… doesn’t want to leave… and ther other part… hating what C is doing to me… i really do not know… how i should be feeling… cos C is really manipulative… she can be nice and evil… i have totally shut her out from my mind… with all those emails… **** her!

i sms billy… that i am moving the boxes to ntu… n i can tell… i shouldn’t have done that… because it only makes him depress… and indeed he replied… saying he wished he could be there… for a moment… i teared… cos i really feel sorry for not caring enough for my colleague and best friend in my department… and i can’t do much to even visit him at his home… cos it is inconvenient… why why why must the operation do this to him… !?!? i fear doctor doing surgery on me… i never will allow them to lay their hands on my body… in future… i will rather not have surgery…

i am really thankful to everyone who cares for me… at least i know i still have you guys to listen to me crap on this blog… thank you!

i am troubled by the thought of
1) leaving my present company
2) finding another job
3) deciding on what Masters course I should pursue
4) worried about my present work scope and the amount of useless things I have to do.. (die die have to complete)

see… i do not know what i want to do in the future… although i know for sure that i would like to do design… webpage… graphics… database… media…
but i really see no course currently on offer… at least from the more recognized universities… in singapore… that made me want to bet my hard-earned money on…
sigh…

plus the fact that work-wise… is not doing very well… i hate the fact that i have people telling me i did not do a good job when i know very well that i have done better that the previous person i took over from… at least i am more responsible… sigh… but thats life… i guess when you know what you want… at least… you will know where your passion is… n work becomes a hobby… not in my case…

i guess i should not waste any more time doing something i don’t believe in doing… and forcing myself to think about it all the time…

but… we have to earn a living… to feed ourselves and family… thats y i am still hoarding thoughts of that "if" … sigh

i cant seem to move on and go forward with such thoughts…

how how? help …

~昨天—石欣卉~
http://www.tt78.com/play.asp?id=111224&art=3539

每一天都有一个新的昨天  每一个昨天却是一样你的脸
如果爱如你所说  像个旅店  你在我心里的容颜  为什么没变
每一夜都有一个梦的起点  每一次梦醒  思念却没有终点
如果心如你所说  终会疲倦  究竟我还要多少天  才能改变 
停止对你怀念  留在昨天
哦  忘了吧  哦  忘了吧  其实有了你  真得很累 
给你一切  却不能期盼  你回应一些些
哦  忘了吧  哦  忘了吧  昨天我和你  真的很美 
一面回忆  一面流泪  自己也不了解的感觉

yippees… love to eat and shop in Hong Kong… i think i will make this an annual affair… hehe

there are a few things that made me miss HK… now

1) Tsim Chai Kee… a very nice noodle shop at wellington street… you get off from central mtr and walk towards the Mid-Level’s escalator… at HK$13 (approx S$2.50) a bowl of wanton shrimp noodles … it is a steal! Its really delicious… other wonderful thing on the menu is the fish paste noodle… big fat chunky one… slurps…juicy

2) the dip your spoons and chopsticks in the cup of tea/water action… please do not drink the water given to you… you can order drinks but not that cup of water! hehe.well.no one can guarantee your stomach doing well.oh by the way.. the picture looks like it is a clean environment but it is not… i did not order any food from this shop or eat much… yucks

3) the beautiful IFC building. the tallest office building in HK.is so beautiful.that when the afternoon sun shines on it and it looks like a palace! a corn standing! a crystal, a gu-g.oops family-friendly blog here… i had alot of photos on this… and i cant help it… by the way.. they have stunning long spanning overhead bridges that are not in a straight line… aaahhhh i love building structures…

4) do not … i repeat… do not go to Admiralty MTR on weekday evening 5pm to 7pm… when the office crowd is going home… its very very crowded… it takes at least 10 minutes to board the train… but the good thing is… its thousand… wait… million times faster that MRT!!! @)$#)(*#!@ MTR arrives every one minute during peak hours with traffic control at each alternate door… to inform passengers to move into the cabin and not block the door… hehe so nice of them.

hehe… its Xinhui again!

I Believe is her 3rd single from her album "From Taipei to Beijing"!

http://tt78.com/play.asp?id=111222&art=3539