Webmice Bloggery

背叛　(Betrayed)
曲 (Melody composed and song sung by)：曹格 (Gary Cao Ge)
http://tt78.com/player/2495/113371.htm

雨
不停落下来
花
怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人
欣赏悲哀
爱
只剩下无奈
我
一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块
就不精采
紧紧相依的心如何
** Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
** Say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快

心
有一句感慨
我
还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段
还在不在
紧紧相依的心如何
** Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期?br>把手放开不问一句
** Say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
心
紧紧相依的心如何
** Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
** Say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快
只要你能愉快

depressing thoughts

okie… i dont want to dwell too much into such thoughts cos it will only make me sound like an old man… if u r wondering what am i talking about…<<EDITED>>… wahahahaha come on… everyone think of it… i dun deny thinking of it… but its usually in the negative way… i am beginning to think that i do not need them at all… wahahahaha…. yes, its a joke… what i really want to say is… i don’t need too much of them… wahahahaha once in a blue moon is fine… afterall… i am jus a human being…

u know… just a few months ago… i was thinking maybe i should study masters… so i browse through all the courses available… n i decided to pursue what i have initially wanted to do… thats mass communication… its definitely different from what i have been through since poly… but i do not mind giving it a try… i jus live once in this lifetime… so might as well fulfill it if i have the chance… so i put in an application to ntu…. and what do you know… i’m shortlisted… although its jus shortlisted and not confirmed enrolled… i am thrilled to given the chance.. to be considered… wahahaha…. so i will jus leave it to fate if it happens it happens…. if it doesnt… i will try again next year…

and so… it is nearly 2 years since i join RP… strangely… this journey is almost surreal… cos… i recall the day…. i was working for my friend steve at mediacorp publishing… and looking for a permanent job…. feeling bored… i applied online… and a few weeks later… i received an email… asking me to go for my first interview… little did i know its for an hr position.. nuts… what can a civil engineer do in a hr environment… so i didnt bother to go… then i received a call a few days later by carol…. she asked me why i didnt turn up for the interview and if i would still consider this position… heck… so i said… i am an engineer… what can i do in a hr job… then she said… everyone in hr team except her is an engineer… then i said… oh… thats weird… but guess there is no harm trying…. i went… and everything else after that is history… a few months into the job… i got into rp’s dragonboat… well its weird too… cos all i did was went to the sch gym… and the instructor said they are forming a staff team… heck… i am bored… so i went  lor… one thing leads to another… i went for training … loved it.. then continued… then things started to change… my grandpa went to hospital twice… n didnt manage to come out … … thats the low point in my life… guess i wasnt interested in anything after that…. but life has to move on… n so they called me and asked if i want to go to danga bay with them for competition… i went lor… but kinda regretted it… cos… i didnt tell anyone before… i was hit on my lap and scolded for a few seconds by the instructor… in front of the students… cow~… didnt went back after that… i got scolded because the instructor thought i was a student… wahahahaha…. suddently i felt young…. but i’m not… sigh…

<<EDITED>>

billy is back to work… its 2 weeks liao… i am very happy… cos …. he is like the best friend in office… having him back somehow completes what i have stayed on for… now i can move on…

my current supervisor was super paranoid cos… somehow …. my leaving leaks out… n got into the ears of deputy principal… he threatened my supervisor… wahahahaha… but i really dunno what to say to her…. all i can say is… its not because of her that i am planning to leave… its because i do not see myself learning and growing anymore…. a change of title wont do me any good… it wont ease my urge to see the world… really… i really enjoyed myself in this cocoon… safe environment… i am really thankful to all the things given to me… it started me off….

although i have not tender… i do not intend to tender… i will just let my contract run its full course… and i have not look out for other jobs yet… cos i still do not know what i want… and if i can get into the field i like… wahhahaah… yes that all these dilemmas…. make me realise…. i have grown up….

20 to 30…. it is really a phase i can never get over…. so much happened…. so much …. too much….

i don’t know what kept me so long to type this very significant 100 posting on friendster blog… maybe i was thinking about how i should present it… such that its really uniquely mine… wahahaha… no la… actually i am very troubled by the thoughts that still is swimming in my head. you see… firstly, its my close friends… they seem to have alot of things going on in their lives… and i really do not know what to do to help them… after all, i am only one person… i cannot split myself up to attend to their needs… and i too have my mindbogging issues… sigh… everyone has such issues once in a while… but mine… its forever… wahahaha… ok i am acting kind of strange… let me blubber one

can you imagine having to work 7 days a week with night duties on some days… n these night duties start from 7 am… lets say on monday… and ends at 8pm on tuesday…. then on wednesday you have to reach there at 7am or earlier and work your ass off till 8pm in the evening before you can finally sit down and write your report then when you finish… its almost 10pm… well… thats my close pal… Gerald… poor thing… i really do not know how to help… except… to fetch him back from work or eating dinner with him…. sigh… and the worse thing is… when i call him up at say… 11pm… he would be sleeping or half asleep… when he does answer my call… it goes something like "uh… they ask me to do work now… yah… aiyah they are like that…." then i will go… "erm… you are already at home… resting… at home…" he will go "dun pressure me to finish work ok… i will be done soon…" then i will repeat "no you are at home now… not working… at home… at home…" then the whole thing will repeat itself…. until he became more awake… and say…"oh ya.. what am i talking about…" erm… that stressful you know… sigh

then… my god-bro… benny… "cannot la… everyday i mark papers… then have to prepare the slides for tomorrow’s lessons… sunday cannot la… i have to prepare for tomorrow…" then i will go… "oh… ok lor… don’t work too much…"

why is everyone close to me so busy? am i the only not busy person around? sure… i have my fair share of shit in office… but thats it… i DO NOT bring them home… maybe it has to do with something my brain functions…. it has compartments and shelves… kind of cool ah… darn… i hated it… cos its so segregated… sometimes i wish its a bit more mixed up… because i am beginning to feel that i have nothing to learn, nothing to progress, nothing to grow… whatever… i am just hibernating in my own workstation… slumber there… staring at the screen… like now… typing and typing… replying to stupid never-ending requests… emails… complains… and so forth… what am i doing? nothing… like today… i set out doing the annual report… and i am done compiling it… in less than 30 minutes… then i don’t know what else to do… so i send this document to my copywriter to edit… then she replied saying she can give me back 2 weeks later but for the drafts that she needs to write on… she will only give it to me much much much later cos its the annual reports period… blah~… whatever… then thats it… i just sit in the office… thinking what i should do next… why am i complaining when my life now is so much more peaceful and laid-back than my two pals… yah lor… why am i complaining? puzzled

maybe its the money matters… whatever comes in goes out… faster than i can type this sentence…. cow~ where did it go??… but its ok la… money is secondary… i know i have some money stash somewhere in my toilet bowl… definitely …. wahahahaha

then it must be the movies that i watched recently that made me feel so down… yes… must be it… don’t cringe when i tell you i went to watch a alternative movie.. cos i really did… when i say alternative… i mean alternative to the main stream man and woman fall in love kinda movie… its about a man who loves another man who loves a woman… yah… thats complicated… don’t ask me how this triangle ever entangles… because it never did… in the movie… this movie titled "eternal summer" or "Sheng Xia Guang Nian"… please do not ask me how it ever translate to eternal summer… cos chinese movie never literally translate the titles… whatever… so more about this movie… its about 2 close friends who grew up together in the kampong taiwan area… it all begun when the teacher asked the class monitor to befriend this troubled classmate in primary school… turns out this class monitor likes this boy.. and their friendship continues all the way to high school… then the interesting part came… a gal from hong kong came to taiwan and studied in their school… this gal… damn powerful… kept long hair and was publicly shamed when the discipline master cut her hair on stage in front of the whole school… so the "used to be" class monitor helped this gal cut her hair nicer in some dark corner in the school… then the gal turned wild and asked this guy to go to taipei with her … then ended up in a motel room in taipei… and strangely… although i have been to taipei… not all hotel rooms have horny movie when you switch on the tv… but this one does… and so… the horny mourning sounds from the tv made the gal very horny… and then she seduce the guy to have sex with her… but the guy soon discover his dick cannot stand because he is afterall… a closet… so he stopped halfway and then silent… they became awkward and came all the way back to that ulu taiwan area… and so the plot develops… the closet guy’s friend… which is actually the guy he befriended in primary school turns out to be a basketballer hunk that gals scream and climax whenever he scores a goal… but this hunk is very weird… cos he only shoot well when his closet friend is around… of cos this hunk is still very much the macho guy… and he fell in love with this gal whom his closet friend tried to hav sex with… aiyah the whole thing very complicated… so this love triangle continues for quite sometime… until they went to university… but the thing is… this gal knows this closet guy likes his hunk friend… but she falls in love with this hunk and then she also cares for the closet guy… weird… ok the weirdest part is this… the hunk dunno why have sex with his closet friend one day… cham…. i dunno what leads to this part… but the whole movie makes me very very upset… like.. how can this hunk make love to his closet friend out of the blue and then pretend nothing happen the day after… and even went to the beach… in his borrowed car…. with the closet friend and his galfriend… wah cow… then they argue on the beach… then the closet claims that he never really treats him as a friend… because he love him… then the hunk says he knows he never treated him as friend and this friendship was because of the promise his closet made to his teacher in primary school… blah blah… then the hunk blurted out… but i still treat you as my best friend… then i got stunned… i mean where is the logic, man… how can he F his best friend and then say i still treat you as my best friend… give me some clues… i am totally clueless after that… ps: the gal stood behind them and just smile… scary… scary movie

blah~