Webmice Bloggery

I cannot imagine in a few weeks… i will be studying again… i bet the stress will be tremendous… work in the day… study in the evening… revising during the weekend… gosh… is this life? but i guess i should not grumble… its hard to get into this course… which is already dream comes true for me… since i all along wanted be in the creative line… so its a big deal to me

last week was a really busy week for me… since the opening is on tuesday… alot of things issues had to be settled… n i’m so glad its coming to an end but… it also means that i have other things coming up… that left me to wonder… when will i ever leave? or will i? i dunno… i just look forward to december…. festive period… and probably… to clear my leave… if possible

i am beginning to get the hang of taking photos… using a dslr camera… should i buy one?? i’m using my department’s one now… during weekend… until someone complains… otherwise… i’ll just use it…. bleh…. so sian

weekend used to be more exciting… but i guess i prefer to laze around on my bed now… going out to shops and all that doesnt really appeal much to me now… of course… my wardrobe is filled with t-shirts and berms… need to clear the old ones away… but shucks i’m too sentimental… everything is memorable to me… somehow

i havent been swimming much… sigh… somehow swimming in public pool irks me… its so dirty esp during weekend… u can see those plasters and dunno-what mucus floating around… i seriously hope its mucus and not sperm… yucks… phui!! eeew… so i have not swam in a public pool for a long long time…

instead… i have been going to gym… it feels good and i somehow fill my clothes better… hehehe… but i have to watch my diet… i’m getting older… and my tummy… is getting flabby… sigh… the signs of aging… of cos i wont know if wrinkles are developing… cos i have wrinkles since primary sch… wahahah

damn… i want a dslr camera…

sigh~ i must be very crappy nowadays and it is affecting my relationship with my colleagues… what happen to me?

for example, colleague A sent an email telling the vendor that she needs the cup to be designed in a certain manner… with the text "happy teacher’s day"… i recalled how deputy principal was not happy with such a time-stamped corporate gift… so i replied to her email informing her that DP will not approve this judging from past experience… so the email ding-dong for awhile… then she messaged my boss that DP will not approve the design… of cos my boss jumped since she had too many things to take care of recently… she went up to DP and asked why the design was not approved…DP told her if she had spoke to the wrong person… then my boss came up to us and ask who said DP will not approve… then my colleague said ben said… then i said, "i wrote will not approve based on my pass experience… not that DP had already disapproved"… and so the moral of the story is do not be a Kapoh..

incident number two happened today… colleague B wanted to get a temp staff… so B emailed to the temp agency asking for a particular guy to be a temp staff… so i replied to B’s email and told B that this is the wrong process… i even stressed that previously i handled recruitment and this temp staff process was abused by many staff… so i wrote "you must go to this link and apply… only then HR will process… last time I was doing this and alot of staff did the same way as you… it caused me a lot of headache explaining to auditors when they checked such laspe…" immediately, B took on a defensive position and said i was sarcastic and she did the right thing… and so forth… i tell u… my blood pressure nearly went through the roof… gosh! i ended up having to add emoticons to my sentences because B perceived that i was rude and sarcastic in my sentences… gasp and to think that B was supposed to be my subordinate… whatever!

today is really full of crap… and seriously cant be bothered by their nonsense… wahahahah…. good, i released my pent up anger now

as i was taking the train to work this morning… i realised something… i’m actually 28 years and one month old! hahaha you must be wondering - what the F***!? yeah… its especially significant because 29 years ago when my parents were 27… they got married… and one year later i was on this earth… yikes… i have passed that age… and i think my folks would want me to settle down soon… in another words… those words i dread… and those actions they might take… yipes… blind dates and sorts… hmmm i dun mind if they are nice gals but… erm … i dun think i can relate to them… i can even count the number of gals i can relate to… er… one - jialing (heehee)… two - mashi (heeheehee)… three - joyce - (wahahahah)… okie thats it… those three were my best bud in poly… in uni… i can relate to one - miao (hahah)… two - xiaowen (wahahahaha - can laugh harder cause she is not in SG)… three - fang (WAHAHAHAHA :P)… four - Juan (this one i must make pig sound snoooort snooort grrrub… wahahahha)… sigh you see my life is really not filled up with gals… in fact none of them ask me out on dates… pissed… am i a womaniser… er… i dun think so wahahaha…

Remember i asked you what is love? i was actually asking if you know what love is and what our love means to you. i went searching for love… ever since i know that love is everywhere… but i just want one love that really transcient all others. so there i went in and out of relationships before i stumble upon one that will make me not want to think of the end… it might be what many would categorise it as long term but its not just a relationship bounded by love that i am looking for… it is one that includes all other things that are important to me and my other half… it is that friendship and lover-ship kind of relationship i am after… i’m glad i found it… i know by writing this… many are immediately put off by my frankness… but i just want to assure that it really is what fills my life at this moment… although u may not think its true… but its true… hey its my mind that you are looking at… i dun think i’m one who forgets easily… hey, i remember all my ex… i’ll treasure those who treasure me… this i can promise

i love this song… and i am jus so glad i found it again… i shall share it with you.. its by Wang Li Hong or Lee Hom to most people… i can’t remember which album its from but the title is 第一个清晨 (di yi ge jing cheng - the first morning). this song brings back alot of fond memories and it really is how i feel every morning when i wake up…

第一个清晨
http://tt78.com/player/178/87036.htm

光透进来 把梦刷白
舍不得你会醒过来
不要现在 走也走太快 Woo..
说不上来 隐隐躺在胸口一块
吻你脸颊 证明此刻真的存在
是你让我相信爱 对我慷慨 Hey..Woo
是爱我们是注定 不是意外

这是爱 我们的爱
还不确定却好实在
把你贴在胸怀仅仅的代替表白 才不愿放开
这是爱 对你的爱
没名字却停不下来
在忐忑里期待 却越总想到未来 是你我才明白这就是爱

但梦还在 小心不让你醒不来
也许现在 只是永恒的未来
是你让我相信爱 对我慷慨 Hey..Woo
是爱我们是注定 不是意外

这是爱 我们的爱
还不确定却好实在
把你贴在胸怀仅仅的代替表白 才不愿放开
这是爱 给你的爱
没名字却停不下来
在忐忑里期待 却越总想到未来 是你我才明白这就是爱

第一个我们的清晨 Yeh..
比任何默契都是迷的~ 无限可能 言语都显得太肤浅 Woo..

ah… finally… my dad is home. after given short notice in april by his company to fly to chicago for work… he is finally back… it also means that my brother will have less chance to drive the car… yippee… it also means that my dad will wash the fish tanks, bring tasha to the park, and wash the car. wahahah yippee…

but he also brought home some weird stuff… i think he got them at some walmart shop… you know the equivalent of carrfore here… its DISGUSTING! anyway… let me rampage through the things he got from US… its either that or erm pple in US has worse taste than us. wahaha i have to give credit to my old man… its the first time he brings home gifts… its also a very long time since he shops… wahahah… okie lets go through the disgusting list of things in his luggage

1) Lindth choc and an unknown brand  - okie… but i’m not a big fan of both…. i prefer raisins coated with choc

2) his fishy habits… some soft yucky slimy fish baits for his hobby

3) erm nasty looking only toy for 3-year old… but its actually for my dad… himself.. wahahah… he wanted to fly this controller automated helicopter

4) disgusting stickers that my dad found at some junk yard… yeh its meant for the car… OMG!! yucks

5) a watch… that costs less than 10 US? erm… yes thats for himself… thank goodness

6) two lovely porcelain snails with flowers… erm… thats the only thing my mum grabbed when she saw it… probably the only thing she likes from the pile of junk

7) my dad was telling my mum about flowers when he called her a couple of weeks ago… and it got her excited of course… problem is… its still in sealed packages… yeap… the seeds are intact… soil is not included…wahaha

i picked this polo-t… that is made in Pakistan… i never knew they produce clothes… wahahaha… but it is a nice one… dirty green with orange inner lining… two big pockets in front… very cameraman kind

9) my mum suggested that this bull cap is for my brother… wahahah.. it suits him better than me… cos he plays tennis alot… and he can then return my cap… n stop treating it as his… wahahah good

10) i guess my mum will take this pink cap… cos it is PINK and has the word Cutie on it… my dad is such a teaser

11) wahahaha and of cos… i took this wallet… cos its from tommy hilfiger… and it comes with a metal box… i love metal boxes… they make good storage bins for my rubbish

12) Okay i found out in the morning… cos we dun really switch on lights at night… that my dad also bought two items… one is a fridge magnet - a yucky bone of an erm ox? yah thats texas… also another disgusting looking lizard figurine that he placed it on the flower pot! yipes~

okay thats all folks… please mix n match my description with the pics below

i think i impose sadness on myself… it must be the lowest point this year… probably… i cannot tell you alot of things… yet… i have no other outlet to say anything… this kind of trap feeling is unbearable… what to do? gosh… i just want to scream… maybe i will book the ktv room tmr… jus to yell out my frustrations… but i wouldnt be able to take the emptiness that comes with it… suddenly, it will seem like i have nothing to fall back on… no one to tell my secrets to… nothing matters… it reminds me of those years in poly… when i wrote alot of poems, songs, etc… just to make myself better… but these dont work anymore… music to me… is another way to store my sadness… i ditch it… and with that a part of me… when did i ever become like this? why cant i live my life like before all things happen… when i was happy… yes, was… seriously, all the things i have done thus far is to forget another sad incident… but ultimately, covering them up with happy thoughts wont get me very far… afterall, another sad thing will jus pile on top of it… stef sun songs suit me… i guess she feels the same way as i do… and i am so glad she chooses to sing them… i wouldnt have anything to relate to if not for them… gosh… i want to say happiness seem so short… i can only cuddle my doggie, tasha… she knows i am sad… every morning… esp nowaday… she will climb up my bed and snuggle up beside me… sniff my face… just to see me smile… i tell you… i will cry even harder if anything happen to her… let it be me rather than her… i have been staying away from my friends and it is like for decades… they too have stayed away from me… for reasons i dont really know… maybe they are just as busy as me… maybe none are my real friends… maybe they are just acquaintance at that moment in time…whatever they are… i’m glad they shared part of my life… fond memories indeed… but then who cares? i feel like giving up on work… every day is fire fighting… i tried to joke with my colleagues… and guess what… they said my jokes are lame… yes… even my temp staff says that in front of my colleagues… and they all agreed… yeah i’m lame… for all these effort… i am lame afterall… trying to bring some life to conversation… somehow irritates them… well… its my way of hiding my sadness… you expect me to sit there an stare at my bowl of noodles?… you will only get their sympathetic but distant, "are you ok?"… of which… i will reply… "yeah"… then they will continue with their conversation.. and me… lost in my own world.. trying figure a way out of this depression… i did consider prozac.. is it spelt like that? nevermind… you get the idea… maybe eating such pills will allow me to be momentarily happy…high…carefree… i think too much… maybe its time for me to go somewhere far away… i dun belong here or anywhere… i feel sorry for my god-brother… sometimes i feel like hugging him and tell him i’m not much better than you… although he might think otherwise… cos nothing i do and what is visible to all is anything but happy… its just a show… so that you guys dun get worried… haha… but blogging it here… probably you have gained a better understanding of my nonsense… yes, so dont ever call me lame… you know i met my primary classmate today… in fact we are so fated to meet again… sometimes fate has this funny way of making us go round one big circle… only to find ourselves knowing each other again… so we chatted at a coffeeshop… and what do you know… we had so many common friends … its just scary… it makes you wonder how small this earth is… i probably had a friend whose grandfather is mm lee… hahaha yeah… its a small world but so? it doesnt really make me feel like everyone cares… there was a stage when i was thinking… during my grandfather’s funeral last year… yes it was in 2006… that if i ever pass away now… how many friends will actually come to visit me at my coffin… hhahaha i think not many… i might be able to count with my own hands… visit me.. ahahahaha… you know i make it a point to take note of who my friends are… if you say friendship is two-sided… i totally agree… but i guess none of my friends tried to make much effort… sorry if i offended you… cos thats really my sincere thoughts… gosh… why i am talking so much… today… okay ciao

its empty

its silent

its dark

its sad songs playing on repeat mode

its empty

its quiet

its cold

its anticipation to hear your voice on my phone

its empty

its night

its calm

its time to sleep and you are nowhere

this happened twice this week… a fat ugly and pathetic man is stalking me… i dunno why… and he is getting very … erm i dun wan to use the word brave… maybe jus put it as blunt… even in a company of friends… he will come forward and ask for my number… and whisper his number… eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… if you are him and u r watching me on friendster… GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!

i know this sound silly… but i actually stood in front of the tv in a vcd shop and they were playing this korean movie.. now in vcd… on repeat mode. the title is 200 pound beauty… its about this 200 pound woman who is very talented and blessed with a beautiful voice… she fell in love with a music producer… but he’s intention is to use her voice to propel a starlet into a singing sensation… but things took a different turn when she eventually went to a plastic surgeon and became beautiful and slim… quite a good show

in fact… i found it on youtube… http://www.zr5.net/2007/04/10/200-pound-beauty-korean-movie-staring-kim-ah-joong-%ea%b9%80%ec%95%84%ec%a4%91/

it was a crazy car chase …. and guess what… it was my brother in the other car… he was somehow following me … i dunno what is he up to… but definitely not a good one…. he has been acting strangely recently… like… going out the whole day… stay out late… or worse… come back and then go out at 12 midnight again… wearing only singlet and shorts? now thats WEIRD!

i read somewhere that our economy is booming in the last quarter… i hope my bonus is higher than last year… then i can save abit more money… i have been using too much…

i have been saying for so many months… and i will say it again… i need to move on… staying at one place for so long is not good… esp when i am not going anywhere… move on

i also must thank my friends… for reading my blog… its really so simple when i meet them… i do not need to let them know what is happening to me… since the day we last met… because they already know …. yes, something useful has come out from blogging… thank you