Archive for August, 2007dream~ when you are feeling blue~ - that’s the original version http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dream_(song) yes, i’m feeling blue again… maybe i should book to watch Ratatouille (http://www.ratatouillemovie.net/) heh… it never dawn on me that i would walk the path i walked twenty years ago… something that would have forgotten… something i would rather leave it behind… but i did… i walked towards the old block 34 at whampoa west… of course its different now… it was upgraded a few years ago… and my grandparents moved out before it was upgraded… although the place my grandma stays now… is only a street across from her old flat… i never really wanted to walked there… although i go to the market once in awhile… i never really wanted to take the lift and to that floor … 7th floor… where my childhood began… one incident i remembered clearly… was my toy cars… i had a bucket of them… all japanese made… gosh… i don’t remember the name… but okay… i had this mercedes silver car… those made in the 1980s… so i was playing with it along the corridor paraquet wall… there was this groove… and i missed it… it fell from 7th floor and hit a vehicle’s windscreen… wahahaha… of course i was petrified… i took the steps down and recovered my car… it was dented… i supposed it landed face-down… and wah… finally at that moment all i could of was "a car of substance"… a ‘real’ car with dented face… it became my favourite car for all the wrong reasons… haha i took some photos of my childhood… it seemed so different… standing on the corridor… the walls looked shrunk… it was so tall then… the paraquet walls looked so short it was below my waist now… dangerous… i counted… the unit numbers as i walked pass… 11, 13, 15… 17… there… it was sold to an indian family… i caught a glimsp… the door was wide open… the door to the kitchen… still has the same look… the curves… the oriental figurine above the door frame… the floor… green… marble… the walls… bricks… the colour beige… nothing has changed… except for the windows and main door and its gate… everything is the same… i miss my childhood… i loitered for awhile… snapping some pictures for remembrance… maybe someday… i will buy it back… buy back a piece of my childhood… happy, sweet, bitter, tears, i sob
its supposed to be good news… well… thats what i thought… getting a reply to ask me to submit my certificates is a good start… at least thats what i choose to believe… but i dunno… somehow i’m not really that confident about interviews anymore… unlike previously when i used to sit in at interviews just to facilitate the candidates to enter the room… like what my dp said: "you only open and close the door. what else can you do?" of course… any normal person when they hear this would be extremely upset by it… i didnt… i just smiled and said ‘ya’. haha… but its different now… i get my peace and quiet sitting on the table doing nothing but day dreaming of the next event and possible ways to improve on it… thats it… and when the actual day arrives… its just a struggle… to complete it and get over and done with… thats my life now… aimless in fact… my mmc course has started… and it has been 3 weeks into the semester… and again… i dun really feel anything much… am i numb? where is all the excitment? where is all the panic? maybe its too early to tell… it will come eventually, i guess… so far so good… the concepts are hard to grasp… especially when its all illustrated by words… i’m an engineer by training… and figures and mathematical methods would have made more sense to me than lengthy illustrations with jargons and examples from literature review or journals… then there’s the other thing about friends chatting with via msn… its really weird when they start the conversation only to not end it… hahah its like hanging clothes without the wire… or clip… eew… its just not complete lor… i hate it when you reply back and u get a bounce response that the user has gone offline… wtf… i’m about to start my term paper… hmmm i am really interested in writing about how media has influenced the way students choose their course of study… but i didnt find any relevant articles from past journals… sigh… i’m sure i am not the first to come up with this… surely someone must have conducted a study on this… otherwise i will choose to write on interpersonal relationship has evolved since the introduction of new media… wahaha… could there be a relation between how much time people spend online than actual socialising… or how spending time on the internet chatting virtually instead of on-the-phone chatting has increased… and the need for really meeting up has changed with the use of webcam… i’m sure someone must have written a thing or two about it well… like what ah-lee said… all good things have a catch… there’s always a ‘but’ to goodies… nothing is really free in this part of the world… wahaha… i’m planning to go bangkok again… okay the first trip was a disaster because i didnt get to go there… it was disrupted by the coup… at midnight… in th morning i was supposed to have flown there… but i chickened out… wtf… maybe i wont now… i hope … nothing will happen and all is calm and peaceful you know… time passes so fast… so when i got audited again… it felt strange… its as if… we are transported back to the past… and only when me and colleagues complained… thats when we realised it had been a year since we got audited… wahaha i didnt know i can stay so long… its amazing… amazing well… yesterday Eel said all below 50 years old have to buy annuities. i went blank… what is that? so i checked out wikipedia and walau! what a definition… it means an insurance-like contract paying out monthly till i pass on… hmmm sounds interesting but what does it mean? surely it doesnt come free… so i went on to check further… since he said some folk will announce it later… but i can’t wait… because if paying for annuity means something like paying bank loans… i hope they have an opt out thing … talking about that… today i received this email from HR… the email wrote… SDU… okay sounds interesting… then i read on… please click on the voting button to opt out of this scheme but you must provide evidence that you are married… ARGH! WHAT!!! why must i be given an opt out option when clearly… this invades my personal space… when in the first place it is my life and i choose what i want my life to be!!! ARGH… so when Eel says we have no choice but to buy the stupid annuity… I just couldnt take it… why? will my salary increase because of that? nope… it means i will have less take home pay… blah… and what about those in so-called lower income group? taking the benchmark of what HDB now classify as low income household… i’m considered one… since i earn below that 4k mark… i am considered low income group… so do i still have to purchase that so called annuity? but i thought Eel said… i’m suppose to be given more money… blah… i can almost hear a pub full of insurance agents screaming "YAAAHHOOO!!!" when that compulsory thing came about… it means more money in their pocket… since nearly four million sgreans now officially have to purchase that piece of paper that guarantees monthly pay out till you die… provided that you get that paid out fully to you otherwise you loo-gee. blah… hate it totally… and then what… about drawing my hard-earn cpf money? i have to delay my around the world plans now… since its going to be pushed back to 65… but wait… thats more that 30 years later… what if along the way… our life expectancy increases because of too much bird nest? then i will only draw out much much later… probably 70… that means… if i don’t live longer than that i can never enjoy my hard earn money… and if i have no children… its probably going to be given to my niece and nephew… hmmm i think i better make friends with them… i hardly meet them nowadays… i dunno what are their names!!! gosh… this is getting too much… i’m never going to be rich if i just wait for my bank account to be fattened every 15th day of the month!!! no, i’m not promoted… nor am i given a pay rise… but today is the 2nd year i am with this org… kinda weird that i am still there… cos i remembered telling billy six months into it… that i will be gone within a year… its just unbelievable that i have survived the terms of my contract and made it through this two-year contract looking back… two years ago this day… i stepped into this org… then at tanglin… wide-eyed and fresh out of uni… i didnt know what to expect… i just want to get a decent job that pays well and i will just grab it… i count myself lucky… for i only applied to this and another… two applications to two different industries and woala… i got the second one… admist alot of self doubt and adjustment… like most sotong… i have no idea what my career path lies ahead… and to venture into something that i took one module in… is absolutely abstract and challenging… but really… lets face the fact… going into the field i studied in 2005 wouldn’t work out because they pay dirt… literally… having eavesdrop on other undergrads graduating at the same time with me while struggling to complete my thesis was really painful… i recalled a conversation between two bengs… "eh… you got what job? shipping line ah… not bad… pay how much? wah…so high ah… but i’m higher… no la… only 2.4… so so lor… hahah" 2.4! I didnt even search for a job before i graduate and these bengs already got offers… cow~ it really became the benchmark for me then… as i poured through job vacancies on e-nus portal… i was disheartened… how come no opening for civil engineers… did i study the wrong course? cow~ so i was in rather bad mood… until i spotted some with no preference for relevant degree… so i applied to this org… and i got an email that invited me for an interview… but crap… i read the email only 2 weeks later… so i emailed selena, the person arranging for interviews then… i got a call from carol… she asked me if i was working… i said yes for my friend… she then asked me to attend this first interview a few days later… i asked her what post i was being interviewed for… she said… hr… i panicked… HR??? WTF i didnt know crap about it… i doubted myself… so i asked her… why me? she assured me that the boss himself is an engineer by training… so i said… ok lor… first interview… no harm… so everything started from there…. i dunno when i started to have hallucinations… but maybe i always do… or maybe i was too sensitive … and not used to politics… i begun to think that maybe my supervisor plotted against me… so i upped my defence… i thought it affected my work… cos no matter how hard i try and how efficient i thought i was… it was never enough… and i was always seen as doing the wrong work… maybe thats how i became dissatisfied with work… i started to want to go away… leave this org and find a place better… but i cant… somehow… i became attached to my colleagues and i thought… well… i have friends here… i cant bear to leave… its still true but i guess… i wont be happy ever cos i think two years in the same place… seem abit short to truely learn whatever skills there are… am i being naive? i dunno… crap… happy 2 years in rp to me i had 3 hours of sleep… still… sleepy… but yesterday was eventful… i went to ed’s new shop at duxton road and wow its a really nice and cosy 2nd level walk-up shop… walls were painted green and decorated with ed’s personal photos and canvas art… this guy is talented… it has an office section, a conference room, a lobby, a pantry and a toilet. quite nice to live in… i must add… miao and i went there first… followed by… yeah… our celebrity couple… but i’m glad they came otherwise… i would have been really piss with them. met my friends after going to grandma place for dinner… went to this erm… mexican restaurant called… tapaz at clarke quay… they serving was pathetic and quite salty… we ordered two dishes to test it out… we didnt know what was written on the menu although its english… wahahaha… they are just too vague… and the first dish was four pieces of lor ti… ya the hard one… with smoked salmon on it… costs 9 bucks i think… super ex… for four pieces of bread and sliced smoke salmon… then came the second dish … some tomato ganished with sprinkles of chopped boiled eggs on cod fish… quite a big fish… but sigh… its not enough to fill our tummies!!… blah~ so we went to central at clarke quay… to the food court and benny ordered yong toufu and gerald ordered hor fun… me? i took whatever was on the table wahahahah then we went pub… bleh…i hate to club… still do… i just dun feel like i am cut out to do such high level socialising… my body would get stiff and i would feel very shy… when i saw others giggling to the music… i felt distant… it got worse when someone you detested most was there… and to make things worst… that person came up to you and asked you how you had been… i nearly vomited on the spot but of cos… being in company of friends is enjoyable… but everyone got so high and touchy… hmmm… it felt strange… bleh~ i dunno how much this kite will cost but judging by my dad’s reaction to yesterday’s national parade… this kite sure excites him wahahaha… you could say… he was glued to the tv when those kites flew… wahahahah… i found some articles on this wonder invention 1) Spirit of Enterprise interviewed the owner 2) his website (http://www.goflykite.com) Okay, i think i will invest in one. i’ve been thinking… is there a fine line between when a friendship starts or ends? who decides? my take is that everyone is too busy with their own life to make an effort to find out more… well… i am one of them… but it is not just so simple as busy schedule or busy lifestyle or work related issues… to me its reluctance itself that is causing this… i know because that is exactly what i am feeling now… just a few days ago, my camp mates met up… well… it used to be a huge gathering affair… but slowly the numbers reduced… and that day… it was only the three of us… seated on some high chairs facing robertson quay… wondering what ever happened to the rest… it makes you ponder how distant our lives have become… soon we won’t even have a gathering… it will just a meet up session of sorts… or maybe a beer drinking session… so it was no surprise when Ed contacted me… told me that he had set up a shop with his friend… and invited me and the rest of the uni gang to his opening… of cos i was excited but i dun seem to get the same vibe… from the rest… i msg them… waited for their replies… and what do you know… only one confirmed coming… the rest are either busy with work or something else… i can understand those who are not in SG but those who are… can only give me a reply to say they are busy!! definitely upset by this whole incident… what is one or two hours of gathering to them? insignificant, i guess… no wonder, i have already resorted to sticking to my own best friends… gerald and benny… well… at least i know they will be there when i need them… this is really crap… and hard to maintain friendship beyond work and study… enough said… i think i made my point quite clear… and yes, i am guilty of it too… but most of us have been on both sides… just that no change has come out of it… for better or worse i think i have a scary family… Strange Caring Aimless Relationship YO~! which part do you not understand? it starts like this… my family dont really talk to each other directly… my brother will talk to my mum to ask me something… then my mum will come and talk to me what my brother asked her to ask me… hmmm my dad don’t talk to my brother and me… so he will ask my mum to ask me or my brother something… i dont talk to my brother… i will ask my mum to ask my brother… so… in another words… my mum is the POINT OF CONTACT… no wonder she knows so many things… its beginning to make some sense so even sitting in the living room… watching tv is a SILENT affair… its really weird… so i dont know why my mum thinks i am weird… for staying in my room… i thought thats what i usually do… and my brother never really study… he watches tv and plays computer games… yet he can do better than me… so unfair… my dad will hog the tv and watches soccer matches or goes on reading the newspaper… thats obviously rotten already in his hands… since he carries it around like… erm part of him… and my mum will do house chores like she is a machine… non stop… then she will sit down at the tv and start to complain about something… or she will be occupied with community gathering… family gathering… or start a new hobby like sign up for singing class, tai chi, or some weird marshal arts… eee… everyone is so weird in my family… … weird … even when we went to pick up my dad from the airport a few weeks back… my brother hogged the car and drove us there… but he wouldnt touch a single luggage my dad brought back… his preferred mode was stand by and used eye power… weird enough said… i have a weird family… full stop plus exclaimation and question marks
tmr is the first day of school… kinda scared cos… i’m not really prepared and its different this time… its a totally different course… n… i know nuts about it… hopefully i can catch up… the creative stone plus … its WHITE!!!… will come in handy :) really thank you to my best friend for giving that to me as a present. :~ touched… hopefully, i can record the lecture… so i will not miss a single word they say…
sweat… okay i just bathed but as usual my mum is SUPER OBSERVANT!!! it started with her… asking my dad if i was at home… then she walked into my room (just now) and then started asking in a funny tone: "So, you starting school tomorrow?" I mumbled, "Yeah…" She stood there and then said: "You are very funny nowadays… don’t you find yourself very strange… you have changed… don’t you think you have changed?" OKAY that got my attention… i stopped typing this blog and stared at her… i gave her a ‘HUH?’ look. She continued…"Don’t you think you have changed alot and you have become very strange?" Puzzled… i just stared back at her and said: "Huh?" Probably pleased with herself… she let out "So you don’t need a car anymore? Cos you bought yourself a car right?" I burst out in sweat… i continued typing my blog… ignoring her… i mumbled "no la… i am typing my blog where got strange." She asked: "What did you say?"… i continued… "no la… typing… blogging"… I obviously made her impatient… she walked out… phew… i continued typing… GASP HOW DID SHE KNOW? my mind raced through the possibilities… that my neighbours caught me… then gossiped to my mum… or worse… that nosey security who knows my parents… must have told them… or probably my jealous brother who might have been the big mouth since he gave me a car chase a couple of weeks back… gasp… i hate this estate… everyone seems to know each other… irritating… but the strange part that my mum mentioned … kept bothering me.. what does she mean?… did i do something that made her think i am weird/strange/abnormal?… blah… i hate it when she has all the know-what attitude… i know she is intelligent… but to sneak up on her own son is obviously not required. blah~ what a mum! |
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