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yippie ya ya~ my exams are over… over… ooovvvveeerr!!!

i am so happy that i celebrated it with my two best friends… Gerald and Benny at Waraku restaurant… central~! heeee…. we ate so much that… we need to walk around clarke quay for awhile before heading home…

i just love to stuff myself sometimes… but i think i have to stop and start running… because my IN CAMP TRAINING is sooooon!!! 14 to 23 May to be exact… gosh… it also means that most of MAY will be over by then… I just love it. less time at work also means more work piled up… ehh. It doesn’t make much sense.

BUT i’m just enjoying myself now. It really feels so good to be free from attending night classes and go gaga about those stupid assignments, reports and projects… duh~ hate it

I think i will give myself a break and enjoy more… heeee

my favourite song is "run to you" by whitney houston.

How old was I when this song is first played on the radio? Hmmm I think I was in seconday school. I was in sec 1. The year 1992. PS: Gary loaned me this soundtrack (cassette tape) to duplicate. Hahaha together with hmmm NKOTB!!! Not forgetting his idol that time "Dui Ni Ai Ai Ai Bu Wan" fame …. Wahahaahah~

http://tt78.com/player/540/154735.htm

It brings back many good old memories. From the time when I was first posted to Bedok North Secondary School, meeting my classmates while assembling at the concourse area. My first friend is Junyi or Ivan. He is a very creative person and I have learnt alot from him. He is the cartoonist while I’m the abstract person. Well, I have to say he is good at doing what he does best. Sometimes, I wonder if I am ever as good as him. I still remember Zehui - the guy with the same amount of hair I have on the leg. Haha… I have leg hair in Sec 1. I’m a hairy guy. Haha… We used to fight alot. I am Class B, Zehui in Class C. And we used to kick each other so much on the leg. I do not remember for what but I know he became my next good friend. I used to be very obsessed with keeping track of what is the latest song on the chart - 98.7FM was my fav radio station and every Friday evening I would stay at home after dinner just to catch the latest top 10 songs on the radio. I jotted them on my notebook. I think the books are still lying around somewhere. I also secretly write down the names of my "friends" in school by ranking them, just like the music chart. Haha so childish right? I share them with Gary!! Hahaha… I remember chatting with my friends on the phone so many times that my mum would nag at me. You guys remember Syufie? Hmmm I think i spelt it wrongly but it is about there… but Syufie is like a good friend to me because even though I think most of you should have known it by now… he is a transgender now. Yah, I was shocked too. I remember calling him one day after we went to different poly. He, by the way, went to study mass comm at Ngee Ann Poly. But he dropped out after year one because he was dressing like a girl. He soon went on to sing at gay pubs. I still remember asking him why his voice was so high pitch. He said, "I ate pills to make me a woman." I asked him if his parents knew about it. Sadly, they disowned him at the time I spoke to him. I was shocked of course because the student monitor and prefect I knew so well had changed. I often ask myself if change is what we should expect. The answer is yes. No one can really predict what will happen in future. Just take myself for example, I never expect to work so hard and make it to a local university. I am always the hard working one, not intelligent or smart in any way. My grades are never as good as my cousin. By the way, having a same age cousin is never a good idea. Comparison is always there and I dread going to family gatherings because they will always compare grades and sorts. And somehow, my grades always pale in comparison. But I never give up. I guess I never did give up. I am glad I didn’t.

When I think back, I always remember the sad things. I do not know why. Like how I lost my good friend, Yi hui to a road accident. I know it is very hard for me to accept. Even today, I cannot accept the fact that she passed away suddenly. Junyi called me that faithful day. And guess what I did that day? I went out on my first date with the girl I like in JC. Obviously, the incident affected me so much I didn’t really keep in contact with her. My guess is she thought I wasn’t interested. It is hard for me to fall in love with a girl. It really is because I am so picky. But I guess I can never turn back the clock now. Heh… Junyi, you don’t know how much I miss you as a friend. We have really lost quite a number of years. The last time I saw you, I didn’t really call you out because we were at the the wrong place for such an occasion. I hope you are doing very well now. I last saw Gary at the career fair, geez, that’s last year? So it is quite recent. I do ask myself if I even bother to keep in touch… like Robin my primary school friend. It is really good to find you back. But now you are again not in my range again, how can I keep in contact with you? I am really afraid my laziness will slowly distant you from me again. I really feel like running to you guys again. If my words are not strong enough, I don’t think my action will be any better, ya? So what if we are in the same friendster list? It is just another picture and link if I do not have you guys in my life again. Damn! I am so yucky today. Must be the song… i shall stop playing it on repeat mode.

good night!

Shooo! I say shoo, man, to all the happy faces this afternoon. Why are you guys smiling so happily? It is a tough paper and although i spotted to damn questions, it doesn’t make me an A for that matter. Perhaps its your last paper. Hehehe… congrats and its back to work for you guys. Haha! Although mine will come soon in four days time. The thought of opening my mail box is already very daunting. Let me see, each day I receive at least 150 mails. It means I will have 1500 mails residing in my inbox now. WTF!!! Think I will delete yes, MASS delete those that were last week. I can assume that if I do not get a reminder, it is as good as done. Wahahaha~

I just love it when my friends tell me they have read my blog. Hehe, it makes me happy that I am not just a number in their phone. I do get that thought most of the time… that I am just a phone number that you don’t really dial or text. It just will make you feel redundant and loveless, right? Hmmm, it really takes both hands to clap. And so, let’s clap clap la. You message me, I call you.

Bleh~ Ok, enough crapping. I need to study for my last paper.

Today is the day I do not know what is install for me. You can say I shouldn’t be wasting my time blogging when tomorrow is my first paper. Yes, I am guilty of wasting my time but I do have alot of things in my head and it is screaming to be printed on this space. Otherwise, I will explode. Really.

Like I said previously, there are many things I cannot say and I do not want my friends to know. Who knows they are most likely to read my blog since it is open to the public. I definitely do not want to give them surprises and taint my relationship with them.

Everyone has their dark secrets. I am guilty of many. That is why even though I have many things to say, there are some things I would rather not say for fear of offending others. I guess you can call this self-censorship. Haha. I have been reading too much into those bulks of reading for my exam tomorrow.

This is what I want to do after my exam.

1) I want to meet my dear friends again. First off, I will ask Benny, my dear brother, out and maybe we can go party. It has been a long time since we last did that. I’ll bring my G along, of course. Mel, Brian, JH and your mates too. Sorry if I am cold and not engaging, I will try to talk more… haha.

2) I will call Gerlynn up. Ger, can you give me your number again? Hee, sorry. Will you gather our group of poly mates - Alvin, Lin Chen, etc? Sorry, I don’t have their contacts. Unless they are reading this post, please sms me with your name. I do get mysterious sms but I do not have your name.

3) I will meet up with my NUS mates. Ya, the usual bunch of folks. Xiao wen, you are so good at organising. You want to do so again. Haha… eh and to Patrick, er thought you said you will org one soon?

4) I will meet my brothers in crime - Ed1 and 2, Vincent, Ant, Les , Jason, and JR, etc. haha Let’s go makan one day ya?

5) My secondary sch mates!!! Eh, no fair la… I always see you guys outside but you didnt ask me to go out. Gary is your number still the same? Call me ya soon… all of u

6) My primary sch mates!!! Although only one in this friendster… WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? Robin hehe… you promised to organise one gathering… it has been a year liao since you said that. How about in June?

7) My NTU mates… hahaha… okie KARAOKE again after exam? Jac, you organise ya?

I will bring my family out for a nice dinner.

For the record, I love my friends. I should spend more time with you guys. Which I haven’t been doing so…

My number is still the same. HP: 94234423. Please leave your name so I know who I am talking to. My exam will end this Wednesday!!

There must be something wrong with the organisation when everyone is leaving. One by one, the old birds, the new ones, even those not related to the organisation, leave and resign.

The organisation I am referring to is RP. Having worked there for, geez, 2 years and 9 months, I have seen many people resigning. Well, I used to the contact point for recruitment and resignation falls under my area too. You get to see the distinct difference between those who are still fresh and full of brilliant ideas to educate the young and to their graduation. The pride is there. Then there is the other group who is on the verge of resigning, they will email you, message you, ask you lots of questions related to resignation. That is when you know they are about to leave. So, whatever happen during the in between?

That is where I ponder if the process is the same everywhere. You see, RP is like the first home to me. It is after all my first full-time job. Although I have worked elsewhere prior to this, it is definitely not the same involvement when you are working temporarily or part-time basis. The attachment to the company is one aspect I can never quite understand. When the feeling is fleeting and emotional attachment is minimal, you can leave without the guilt of leaving the others at your workplace scrambling after your work.

But at RP, it is different. I see it grow from being a small organisation of less than 200 full-time staff to the time I hand over my recruitment duties of 500. It has now reached 800. From a back-water building to an award-winning one up the north. From no facilities to one that is full of life. From one with less than a thousand students to one that is ten thousand. Emotions do run high when I think of all these.

People do leave and move on. Not me. I ponder about such possibilities but I really cannot leave behind people that has been so much in my life after these few years. Take for example, my dear colleagues whom I have grown so much to like them, my dear interest group students who are so much fun to be with, and my dear desk that I sit from 8.30 am to 6 pm or even later every weekday. These are things that will not make me leave. Not that I have grown complacent, but I cannot help it.

And there are things I really hate. Like those fire-fighting drills everyday, every time I log on to the email, and every moment I look at my white board. It is all over the place. Mess. I often ask myself when will I have the time to tidy up and bring things in order.

I do treasure all the things that I have experienced and learnt. Maybe a new environment will be ideal. But really, what can be worse than disconnecting yourself eventually? Maybe that is why some of my friends choose to disconnect before emotions set in. It could be a wiser choice afterall.

When i read the news today, two things strike me most.

First, it is weird to see Malaysian politicians blogging online. Don’t they know that blogging is now so yesterday? There are other avenues that they can try to "gather" brownie points.

Then the other issue I have is about the Straits Times setting the agenda on "advocating" for a change and "resignation" of DPM. What good do they have in doing so? Being the longest running English newspaper in Singapore doesn’t mean they won’t get canned the following day. Are they crossing the line in their reporting? Don’t forget the Newspaper and Printing Presses Act, folks.

You can say, it is good that ST is summarising in their report what the netizens really have to say. But I beg to differ. By offering views of both sides of the story and the igniting differing emotions on the issue at hand is rather serious. It can lead to a split in the government. Although I do agree that there are many issues beside the escape of Mas Selamat, the general sentiment is the government has not fully "satisfy" the public. If the government’s view is that "the public good is always above an individual" then it is surely a good time to act upon their mantra.

It is sad that the internet has created headache for the government but that is the reality. Last time, when internet is still not available, the public can only speak among themselves - their friends, family and colleagues. Now, you can have almost everyone on the street participating in issues they are most concerned about on internet forums and so forth. It also gives the government a documented account of what people on the ground talk about. Seriously, do not belittle this power of the masses. It just reminded me of the interview I had with MTI - yes, a certain ministry - and the issue of inflation was raised. I said, "People on the streets are complaining about raising food prices and affordability." And my dear interviewers from HR and Corporate Comms said, "No, that is not true the index still shows a low figure and there are no complains." Well, I nearly replied, "Then you are not living in the real world with all the statistics - static ticks." Of course, you get the drift. I was not selected for their next interview. My point is put across and look the lastest figure is 6.7% inflation rate? I rest my case.

Listen to the people, lah.

Well done, Carrie. Sometimes, I get that feeling too. Enjoy this song, my friends.

Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUtFEKhtB30)
IMEEM LIVE (http://www.imeem.com/limgoss/music/jYox2VvR/carrie_underwood_so_small/)

What you got if you ain’t got love
The kind that you just want to give away
It’s ok to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it’s hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone
But don’t run out on your faith

Cause sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you’ve been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

It’s so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It’s like a river that’s so wide it swallows you whole
While you’re sitting around thinking about what you can’t change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time’s flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can’t get it back

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you’ve been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you’ve out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And then you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh, it sure makes everything else seem
So small

i think this is very powerful. it holds some meaning to me. i hope it does to you too.

taken from Kent Greenawalt’s review on freedom of speech

"It may be said that free expression does not produce an adequate reflection of the spectrum of desires and interests. Because the desires of the rich, powerful, and articulate are given more voice than those of the poor, powerless, and inarticulate, decisionmakers, themselves mostly members of the favoured group, get a false picture of what people generally want."

brilliant song

written by george michael and sung by him 12 years ago

carrie underwood sang it this month at American Idol Gives Back 2008

the song is Praying For Time

listen here http://www.imeem.com/sashimiandsushi/music/hn6j_ybn/carrie_underwood_praying_for_time/

or view the video on YouTube http://youtube.com/watch?v=qKbfjsUXYOg

lyrics

These are the days of the open hand
They will not be the last
Look around now
These are the days of the beggars and the choosers

It’s hard to love there’s so much to hate
Hanging on to hope when there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above say it’s much, much too late
So maybe we should all be praying for time

do you love it? well, i do. i think i am falling in love.

i don’t think i have the power to give strength to anyone but if i must, i will try. i’m saying this, because i sense my brother needs me. but i have not been able to do much lately. in fact, i’m guilty of disappearing which i do so often. so i have to apologise to him. but i’m such a coward… i can only sms him