Webmice Bloggery

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if it’s wrong to love you, then my heart just won’t let me be right
- that’s my fav line in this song…

My All - Mariah Carey

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it’s wrong to love you
Then my heart just won’t let me be right
Cause I’ve drowned in you
And I won’t pull through
Without you by my side

I’d give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I’d risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
Cause I can’t go on
Living in the memory of our song
I’d give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I’m looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you’re so far
Like a distant star
I’m wishing on tonight

I’d give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I’d risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
Cause I can’t go on
Living in the memory of our song
I’d give my all for your love tonight
I’d give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I’d risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
Cause I can’t go on
Living in the memory of our song
I’d give my all for your love tonight
Give my all for your love
Tonight

Today is my birthday. And i am really thankful to all those who have been on my side all these years. It doesn’t matter if you are a far distance away or you are still within centimetres beside me. i treasure them. twenty-nine years ago, i was born into this world. unknown to many, i faced many problems while growing up. I was forgetful - i will forget about my test dates, where my class is, and i couldn’t differentiate what is B from D… or Z from N… and W is always UU. I grew up wanting to be the greatest man on earth… not of wealth… but of having a big heart to understand how others feel. i think i have failed. i have grown up to be selfish and not so desirable to many. i have a very dark period - that’s during my poly years. why did i say it’s dark? well… i realised that i could change alot of things and many things are not within my ability to mess around with. it got worse when i had acnes that disfigured me. no one has seen me cry so openly but it hurts me whenever i hear comments from friends and relatives accusing me of not washing my face and so on. joyce, one of my good friend in poly then, once said that to me. i cried. my aunt also said that to me. i cried. it was also the period where i couldn’t face myself in front of the mirror. i did not want to step out of my home. i kept to myself and returned home quickly after school. it was a terrible period. but it made me stronger. like i said… i can’t change a lot of things. even opinions others have of me. and i started to write songs more often… usually during the evening… when the sun sets… and the room is dark… and not many of my friends know i have put all of them online… and i think i want to share it with you today… http://members.tripod.com/~webmice/poetry.html these were written from 1996 to 1999… the darkest period of my life… i do not know what will happen after i share this with you… maybe you will know me better, perhaps. but i am no longer like that… i remember telling myself, i will never go back there anymore. i gave away my piano… stopped composing… and went out… find friends… make friends… and hopefully can be happier. that’s why i have tendency to think in this way… "if i have a happy moment with you and you are happy too, that will more than sufficient for me." it doesn’t matter if this happiness lasts… what matter most is we are happy once…

White Love Story mp3 http://121.254.138.11:50000/stream/music/01/0000/0072/2807/contents/mp3/src/572886.mp3

i tell you a secret.

it is a week of birthday celebration with my friends

and i am very grateful for that. i still remember many years ago… i use to spend my birthday alone… my parents will forget … or too busy to celebrate… so my mum will sms me "happy birthday"… that’s all…. my dad will say "you mean it’s your birthday?" biang~…. then my friends will forget la…

so… being the guy who is so afraid of being lonely… he has no choice but be proactive… keep reminding that my birthday is coming… it is this saturday… to be accurate…

it is also a good excuse to catch up with friends… you know… we are all so busy and doing our own things… we somehow lost touch on what each of us are doing… it is good to take a break from the usual routine… and just chill out and eat … yeah… eating is my passion… but i dont eat to live… i feel happy when i eat… wahahaha~

so there… i have received quite a lot of presents… and i’m so happy that i have spent time with my friends… let me name those i have met… andy, weilin, chee liang, choon seng, shu ci, steven, billy, liankai, siew li, catherine, elaine, and king shyan.

thank you so much for spending some time with me

let me show you what i have received … good stuff!

I think i am still missing a pair of berms and slippers… to complete the Ben’s look. wahahaha~

I love all these gifts. Thank you so much

some discoveries over the week… i didn’t know that the W pharmacy shop at marina sq promotes "family planning" ‘guise as condom/lubricant section. hmmm

but it sure beats having to purchase it over the counter… i’m sure the cashiers are very used to such objects thrown in their face… i mean why would anyone buy such things so openly? it is like declaring that you are going to make some love soon. yeah… soon~ hahaha but to place it in the ‘family planning’ category sure looks alot nicer. i have a good time looking at the different flavours and functions. and durex seem to be the preferred brand in singapore. hahaha… i blurred out the price… in case you want to know, please go to the shop and discover it yourself.

  and over at Suntec… it’s PC Show 2008!!! wahahaha… i absolutely dig such fairs because i get to see fanatics walking around as if everything is free… wahahah… it is also time to update what is hot and not IT/gadgets… western digital seem to be a hot fav among techies… and the number of hard drive space is getting bigger and cheaper… why do people need so much space?? you mean there is so much to download meh? but i guess it doesn’t kill to own a few hundred more gigabytes for that extra space to back up all the data in the comp… until the hard drive spoil la… but wait… are you guys using hard drive to back up another hard drive… just in case? so kiasu… but i think it is a must. wahaha… just look at the prices… All together now, "CHEEAAP AHH!!" wahahaha i can so imagine what next year’s price will be… 500GB going for below $100!!!! okie… i’m going to get it next year then. :P… but i couldnt resist paying $11.60 for a 2GB Kingston SD card. It does come handy for storing holiday pictures… hehehe

n always have someone you can talk nonsense to… it beats having to walk aimlessly in the mall… anytime

I have this recurring pain on my left waist. the sort of pain that is like a cramp in the muscle but it is not that painful that i will curl up. nevertheless, it is painful enough to make me walk slower than usual. it is good that i have a doctor best friend whom i can consult without having to pay. haha … so i have gastric… and the first reaction when i told my mum… "WHAT!? It is for life! You will suffer for life!" ok, my mum doesn’t talk in an encouraging way. That is her style. i remember getting long nagging sessions from her when i did badly for my PSLE. i didn’t go to school to collect ‘cos i had chicken pox. so my mum had to face my form teacher… and my form teacher wasn’t very encouraging either… "Ben didn’t do too well. You want him to go express or normal stream? If he go to express stream, he may suffer because O level is taken in the fourth year." Luckily, my mum is as stubborn as me. so, express stream lor… and i met many great friends… some of whom are in this friendster list. although i haven’t seen them for ages… but i guess it is good to know that they are doing well.

at the end of the day, i am drained and washed out from work. it is not so much of physical walking or talking, it is mostly the mental work of planning and executing things. of course, there is the overwhelming tasks of fire-fighting. i survived.

i am really looking forward to meeting the interest group students on thursday. not because it is our first swimming session… but more so that i do not get to meet them every weekend… and it is a good time to play catch up. you know how kids grow… i barely recognise them after awhile

oh ya… i can’t wait to go hong kong in a few weeks time. the thought of getting away is making me very happy. hahaha

and I will give my dear colleagues a treat next week. hopefully, they can turn up. no, i didn’t win 4-D or ToTo. It will just be a small group eating lunch together.

Although it is clearer now, I am still not sure which direction I should proceed from here. I used to take on a ‘wait and see’ approach and hoped that nature would take its course to lead me in the right direction. But such aimless thoughts should be put to a stop. I am not unfortunate. In fact, I am so much better than many but I never help out. Maybe it is time I contribute some of my time. I am so full of myself most of the time and it is tough to recognise what is happening around me when I’m blinded by my own fortune. But I’m not ready. Someone has to push me or take my hand, move me along. I’m really happy that I am surrounded by friends who think likewise. I’m just too proud to admit it.

It was pouring very heavily when I got out of office today. So much rain was poured down from the sky. Is this May or December? I captured this while walking along the sheltered walkway from RP to Woodlands MRT. Isn’t it lovely that a man-made waterfall is created?

And I can’t wait to go Hong Kong next month. This will be my third time and I know most people will ask what is so interesting about Hong Kong. I will say it’s the food and nightlife. You just cannot get enough of it. Talking about that, I will be going on the first week of Hong Kong Sale. Wahahaha… not that I will buy many things. I mean, I didn’t buy much in Singapore I don’t think I will slurge just for this trip. And this will be the most expensive air ticket I have ever paid. Maybe not in your standards because most of you would have travelled to far more exotic places than me. Wahahaah~

I was just toying with the idea of going on a short trip with my colleagues to a nearby island. Nope, it is not Sentosa. But I don’t know if Billy wants to go. Hehe, I hope he is reading this. It will be nice to have good colleagues as travel partners. Heee~

Oh, I can’t wait to go to this shop in Wellington Street in Hong Kong. It sells my favourite… I think it is the best… shrimp dumpling noodles!!! The last time me and my best friend ate 3 bowls each!!! This time round I want to break record… maybe eat 5 bowls!!! wahahaah~ not convinced?

Go to Tsim Chai Kee Noodle at wellington street!!! that’s the price in Jan 2007.

We were chatting on which processor chip is better.

Aov: i am undecided q6600 vs q9300

Chowder: q9300 looks like a good deal… cos the numbers are higher than q6600

i think i am very bo-liao sometimes… hmmm… maybe all the time… wahahaha~ i will take pics of my legs. especially when i have a really nice window that opens out to the sky… so i just stick my two feet out and point to the sky lo… and then i took a photo of them…

what do you see?… beside my hairy legs… unglam pyjamas… and wait… what is that shadow?

I know how a squash court looks like! Half that… and I get a nice quarter court. Yes, and that would be my home in future. I must applaud Fiona Chan for describing the new shoebox studio apartments springing up in Singapore. No, I cannot imagine two old Chang Kee kiosks at my doorstep. Not even ten standard-size office workstations because my office cubicle is extremely long. Even for my colleague to want to sit with me all day… and i am not talking about just one day. It has been more than a year. No, i cannot imagine seven ping-pong tables lining up side by side because i think it will look damn big. And no, half of a three-room flat is big in my eyes because I used to live in one 3-A type flat in Tampines.

So why are we squeezing ourselves into tiny studio apartments? Is it because of the posh address, condo facilities, or maybe its because its more convenient? I don’t know.

I believe it is cost. A typical flat that size, say cost $1000 per square feet, means I can afford it. No? Maybe not. But the rental cost might cover my loan! No?

Just when I thought a tiny studio apartment can allow me freedom of staying away from parents… We do have to pay a premium for freedom. It is not exactly free. dots dots dots