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“If you don’t love me anymore, it’s ok.” (Song: Don’t let me hate you - Kit Chan)

I knew something was wrong with our relationship but I didn’t dare to ask. That day you hugged me and said sorry, I realised I would never get an answer. ”Sorry” was all you could say but I had felt the void. And in the months leading to this day, you had been avoiding my questions of your betrayer or how you would go missing for hours. I knew our last argument was not simple. My fears become true now.

I looked at the bills on the table - our car loan, our mobile bills, our credit card bills, the holiday brochures, and the card you gave me last Valentine’s. I searched in my drawer our photo album, the movie ticket stubs, and your scent on my clothes. For the next twenty-four hours, I won’t know where to go or who to call. For you, I have lost contact with my friends or the ability to socialise. 

If you ever stop loving me, please tell me. I do not want to hear it from others. I do not want to cry and pity myself for not trying hard enough. I have enough of lying to myself that everything is alright. Goodbye.

<Dead Journey is Ben’s series of fictional short stories. If you like to find out more, please post your comments.>

别让我恨你 (Don’t Let Me Hate You) - 陈洁仪 (Kit Chan)

世界是圆的我想我们会再见面
而心情是粉碎的也许这才是最完美的结局
今晚让我们彼此冷静地说声珍重再见
就像庆祝我们曾经轰轰烈烈爱过的每一天
今晚让我们断了可恨的争吵和不停的抱歉
留下一个吻或许一个拥抱
让这段感情停在这最温柔的一天
我不想继续哭哭啼啼说我多么委屈
我开始怀疑自己多少事事无能为力
我不想藉着密密麻麻悲伤的日记
继续欺骗着安抚着自己
我不想等到一天感情已经被谁代替
才经由朋友口中传来背叛的消息
我不愿这段情分走到最后无法呼吸
连一声问候连一点消息都觉得痛心
都感到多余
别让我恨你

Wow~ I didn’t know celebrities make such a good read. I have 39 readers and 8 pongs for that post and made it to top 8. By the way, I don’t know what is ping and pong. Please educate me.

Top 10 - Ping.sg entry for the day!

Thank you to all. I know I’m just as kaypoh as you.

Ollie Millroy

These pictures were taken at the Paddock Club level two viewing gallery. Motaworld Racing was changing the tyres within 30 seconds.

Ollie Millroy is BMW Kart racerChanging tyres within 30 secs

Read more about Ollie Millroy http://olliemillroy.co.uk/

The waitresses were screaming, “Shaun, Shaun, Shaun!” So I had to turn around and look out of the super high class Paddock Club glass windows to the crowd below. It’s MediaCorp artistes Michelle Chia and Shaun Chen. The lovey couple will tie the knot soon. But I think they were very cautious and kept glancing around to see who was snapping their photos.

Did you spot Michelle Chia and Shaun Chen in the crowd?

I guess they were abit upset with the huge crowd. They did not even stop to look at the F1 racers parked along the road. Shaun was wearing a white cap and grey T-shirt, while Michelle was wearing a sleeveless black dress with little make up on. She is such a daring girl. See how intimate they are? Hope they get married soon and have babies. I’m sure Michelle will have some product endorsement for baby milk powder. Just hope she won’t choose those tainted by melamine. Oh ya, did you see their photos on Style Weddings magazine this month? If not, you can head down to any nearest bookstore to catch a glimpse. Did I say they are getting married? Ok I must be getting old but I recall reading about Michelle saying, “I want a five-figure sum. Yes, in cash please. If Shaun wants to propose to me, I don’t want diamonds because they are useless.” Ok, I made that up but it was really reported on AsiaOne (here).

Anyway, let us focus on their angry and cautious face.

Shaun looks angry

Shaun did not hold Michelle's hands

But Shaun notices us and holds Michelle's hand while she rolls her eyes

Then its Michelle's turn to stare at us with her doe eyes

I feel like a paparazzi. Wahahaha~ Maybe I was too bored after watching the cars race around so many times.

The sea water is rising

 Tsunamis will hit us. Professor Wong Poh Poh related this to Channel NewsAsia on Sunday 21 September 2008. With many infrastructures at coastal level, Singapore do not need a ten metres wall of waves to hit the shore for an extensive impact. The worst hit area predicted by Prof Wong would be Changi Airport and Jurong Island. Both areas are key to our economy. The impact would be substantial and there is no running away. With the weather turning bersek, we have every reason to be afraid. What precautions have we taken? Have we taken for granted because history says ‘no natural disaster’ will be befall Singapore? Maybe it is time to build higher flats to counter that impact.

“When I get this far, I should leave.” (Song: Finally Mentioned - Xiao Yu)

My mum says I should get married soon. My grandma threatens me to get married so she could pass away peacefully. My dad didn’t say a thing. I’m thirty and I don’t have a girlfriend. My colleagues ask me often but I didn’t dare to answer. Only vaguely I recall dropping hints. I have to be discreet. Not many people can accept my secret. You see, I am not your average guy who falls in love and gets married legally. What I am doing is not right… at least that is what the society says it is. I am in love with both sexes. 

Hands - Courtesy of Mark Bukumunhe

 Jonathan was my previous lover. He was nice. I met him at a pub three years ago. He was shy and quiet but that was exactly why I love him. In these three years, we had a lot of good memories and did many things ordinary couple would do. But we would never hug, kiss, or hold hands in public. I joked about that with him on the first day of our relationship. He was less open to such gesture. Not when he was someone widely regarded as a respectable person in society. He was a secondary school teacher and he is married to a woman. 

I know from the start this relationship would not work out. But I tried. I gave it a chance. Jon was my first and probably would be my last. The first few months were beautiful, we met daily and went for holiday frequently. Two years into the relationship, I proposed to Jon that we should get married in England. I failed. Jon don’t see the point. From then on, it was a downward spiral. We met less often and our conversations were filled with accusations that caused unhappiness.

“What else can I do when you don’t love me anymore? Isn’t what I am doing enough?” I cried. Our love is forbidden but what is more difficult is the barriers placed upon us by the society. We have to act constantly. I have enough of such pretence. Jon left. Those memories never go. 

<Dead Journey is Ben’s series of fictional short stories. If you like to find out more, please post your comments.>

终于说出口 (Finally Mentioned) -小宇 (Xiao Yu)

你终于说出口
其实你早就已经不爱我
为什么要低著头
你知道这玩笑骗不倒我
可是这不是玩笑
是要逃避你离开我的理由

我还能做什么你已经不爱我
我一直都爱著你难道这还不够
我还要做什么你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看著我
一心想离开我

我终于也说出口
其实很爱你但从没认真说过
或许是我的错
多在乎你却只放在心中
不要问我为什么
因为爱你这就是我的理由

我还能做什么你已经不爱我
我一直都爱著你难道这还不够
我还要做什么你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看著我

没什么需要被原谅
我笑得有些牵强
你知道我总是能够假装不难过
oh 不想看你那么累
多希望再给我机会
颤抖著我的手
握住的只是风

还能做什么你已经不爱我
我一直都爱著你难道这还不够
我还要做什么你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看著我
一心想离开我

“Go on. I can make you hate me.” (Song: Forgive me by Jam Siao)

Those words stuck with me all day. Is that for real? As I walked along Clarke Quay, the sky turned darker with every minute. It was dusk and I had absolutely no idea what took me to the river. I could only hear my heavy breath, heartbeat, and my feet dragging on the sandy pavement. Everything seems dead silent and it evolves only around me. 

Yes, life seems to evolves around me only and in a very selfish way. But isn’t living a life supposed to be like that? You can only do so much for others and you have to consider your own options. These options of mine are only for me alone. Why should I drag others along? They seem happier without me anyway. My existence only serves to reinstate my own belief that I’m just an extra. And so silly. So silly for me to agree to all their requests. ‘Making others happy’ has to stop. I definitely do not need to campaign happiness and act upon it. From now on, I am walking alone… I want to be my own happiness.

Surreal night (Credit Yaevlejunce)

I came to a stop. I had to cross the road after UE Square. But tonight the road was occupied by vehicles. Angry individuals in the car. They didn’t have the patience to wait five minutes for the next green light. The lights turned green as I was walking through them. Horns sounded hysterically. I stood still. I heard vulgarities. Whatever. I took my time to walk through rows of vehicles. When I reached mid section, I took breather. I looked back. The other side looks happier - pubs, youths and the young at heart, drinking bear and alcohol, smoking, laughing, hugging, kissing… I could have chosen to be among them. Their company seems comforting but I doubt it would last. You only know them for now. You won’t tomorrow.

<Dead Journey is Ben’s series of fictional short stories. If you like to find out more, please post your comments.>

原谅我 (Forgive me) - 萧敬腾 (Siao Jing Teng, Jam)

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久已不属於我
默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙

你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多
我能感受他比我适合
爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口好让你离开我
请原谅我好想自私将你占有
一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

请不要分了以后还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久已不属於我
默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙

你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多
我能感受他比我适合
爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口好让你离开我
请原谅我好想自私将你占有
一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

爱过恨过哭过也笑过
亲吻过你的脆弱
其实我比谁都要懦弱

原谅我必须假装爱错
别让时间倒流我怕说不出口
原谅我没有解释太多心痛
别无所求彻底忘了我爱原来要舍得

我难过我才懂

It never felt better to spill the beans and confess that I am no brother brother to my real blood brother. And you LARD BROTHER better be sitting on your couch munching your favourite tart. No, you can’t watch TV, listen to music and clasp your hands at the same time. Hey, why did you place the headphone over your forehead? Ya, it’s a headphone but you don’t literally place it on your head, you LARD!

The Lard Brothers

Phew~ It is a mouthful. But that is what goes in my head when The Lard Brothers, our very own local band, produces an album called F.A.T… which is actually Forest Action Team. Not to mention the trio look really fat in the flesh too. Cow, they aren’t Destiny’s Child you know. 

So when 8 Days review about their album and suggestively ask the reader to visit their website (www.agingyouth.com) I have to visit it. Definitely a steal to download music for free… and what more can you ask for when they actually zip it up and let you download the ENTIRE album for free! 

It took less than 10 minutes to download a 91.75MB zip file. And it took even less to unzip it to discover some really strange sounding urban sound. I love it.

So the BOBs (Bob Seng, Bob Tan, and Bob Tang) just got me sprawled on my brown leather bed gushing over those noise… Let me describe them to you

First song - Previously… 

Second song - Enemy… “We don’t get news from the rain no more/ Get these signs we can’t comprehen/ The signs when it rains/ Let it wet our souls” woah~ such painful memory… and then when it gets to the chorus… i mean literally CHORUS… you hear people clapping, crickets buzzing, fire burning on the twigs, guitar strumming… eh, it’s very campfire leh.

Third song - Circling square… yeah something I am familar with… but WAIT… these guys remake it and its sounding very cheerful… that’s not what my fav local band Humpback Oak sung it many years ago… but i am digging the trippy sounding drum beats. I feel almost drunk. 

Fourth song - The boy from Katong… hmm Singapore Reggae never sound so erm constipated. When I think of Katong I think of Bengawan Solo kind of song. Reggae? It doesn’t gel, mate. It’s no magical Marine Parade. 

Fifth song - Democracy… wah… the opening sound promising… and when the vocal comes in… wah… its so spacey… another trippy fav of mine. If only the beats can be messier and mess up my heart beat. 

Sixth song - Shoebox… I guess it is singing about my dream apartment. Hey but its jazz fused with tortured soul beats… beautifully angst up. Nice

Seventh song - Being Phat is not a Krime… your mama will disapprove this song. Being Phat is not a Krime will drill you deep into those nasty afternoon naps and late night supper cravings… by the way… there is no vocal here.. its entirely instrumental… and a very electronic kind of computer games music… hate it

Eight (or is it Eigth) song - hmmm pardon me but i get confused when the song title is PoniesSoothePeople… is literally a drum piece with a nice beat to it… very urban but I couldn’t get what it is trying to say

Ninth song - Radio Station is another remake which I totally cannot recall the previous… but Radio Station by Padres was a very popular local song that made it to the chart… but i doubt this remake will make it 

and so the list just go blah blah blah… go and listen for yourself

We are safe in Singapore and they are not. My friends, Texas is facing its worst disaster and we are helpless. No one can defeat the strong hurricane heading Texas. No one can except the hurricane itself. If it has a heart, let it die and disappear before it hits land. 

Already an island approximately 20 km off Texas City is flooded. More than 4.5 million people are without power in Houston. God, let there be light. When the Houston officials warned residents to stay put, did it consider the desperation of people struggling for suvival, to get out of town as quickly as possible, to look for a safe place to live. The governor’s office has issued its prediction that the final storm could reach 20 ft high that is 6.1 m! Is staying on higher ground safe? Folks in Texas, find a tall building and stay indoors. Whatever will happen in the next few hours, just remember to hang in there. You will live, you must survive. 

I’ll pray for you. 

hurricane ike heading texas
 

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/weather/09/13/hurricane.ike.texas/?iref=mpstoryview#cnnSTCOther1 

Hurrican heading towards Houston, Texas (Courtesy of CNN)

Green Bear Bear is so cute and it is starring at me with its smiley face.

I have been wanting to buy a DSLR for so long and it’s not easy. I have to pay for this and that every month. I end up not saving at all. In fact, I have estimated that what I earn is not enough for my current lifestyle. It is such a headache. I do question why I haven’t been saving at all. It seems that I have been loading myself with loans and more monthly subscription. Gosh! To think that I can live with just $400 a month while in university and sharing it with my beloved. When did I turn into a yuppie?

Luckily my company has a great system that loans out DSLR to staff. I have been loaning out the Nikon D80 for a year and its pretty good - smooth pictures, close-to-real colour tones, and easy to use. What more can I ask? Without paying a single cent and I get to use it… of course, I have to book in advance and fight with my colleagues to use it. 

This picture was taken on Panasonic Lumix DMC-LZ2

Now, we have another new batch of DSLR. This time it is Canon EOS 450D. Super! With 12 megapixels and a crystal clear 3 inch display screen, I can shoot anything with a 4GB HDSD card slotted in it. Did I mention it has stabliser too? Big deal, you say. Well, to me it is quite a big deal. I am still getting the hang of it but I am sure I will master it. 

Nikon and Canon are pretty different in the way the buttons are positioned. I am still getting used to Canon’s configuration. It appears that I can change the aperture and shutter with only one roller. Which is strange to me because I am so used to the two rollers in Nikon DSLR. Picture wise, they are pretty close although I personally feel that Nikon has a tone closer to the real thing. Canon is more vibrant and vivid. But with 12 megapixel, the new Canon 450D is better for bigger prints like A3.

I tried out Nikon D60 at Comex a few weeks back and I find the new lens strange. Unlike the previous lens which has two adjustment portions - one for focus and another for zoom - the new lens has a hidden focus section. If you don’t know where it is, you will probably miss it. I was reading the menu and only then I know where the focus is. It is located at the tip of the lens… near the portion where you will place the lens cap. I really don’t know what the designer is thinking. You literally have to abandon your fingers from the zoom roller and move them to the focus roller. The distance is quite far. It is not very ergonomically designed. Eh~

But overall Canon E450D impress me. It is a good buy although it does require some time getting used to it. Nikon and Canon produces the better DSLR in the market. Bravo!

Here are some pictures taken from the camera. PS: The photos are taken at night in my room so I have to set the ISO 1600.

PS: Green bears have a special meaning to me. It dated back to 2005 Dec when I received my first Christmas gift from a colleage named Vivienne. She gave me a green Christmas bear. From then, I am intrigued by the colour green on bears. It is special spmehow. I spend most of my time looking out for cute green bears to collect. Yeah, there goes my manliness (if any is left).  

Yeah, I love green bears. So if you want to buy gifts for me, just get me a green bear.

Woo hoo~ a blur foreground